Although it is inevitable, I really never thought that I wouldn’t be ‘twenty something.’ In my dream land where I am young and fabulous forever, the answer to “how old are you” would always start with a 2 and end with a number between 0 and 9. So, you can imagine my horror to know that when you ask me how old I am today, I have to answer: 30.
Today is my 30th birthday and I have decided that I will use this amazing blogging platform to share some thoughts I have on leaving this huge part of my life. Writing this letter is my attempt at accepting that my twenties are over and that I have a new decade to flirt with. When I started the letter, a wave of emotion and memories came over me….hell, a lot happens in 10 years. I’m scared, I’m nervous, and I there’s no doubt, I am excited. It’s been a long time in the making, but I’m ready. This is closure.
When I was first introduced to the big 2-0, I was fully deluged with excitement. Becoming an adult is a big deal – especially when, like me, you spend a majority of your teenage years anticipating the kick-ass young adult that you are going to be. Life had this huge question mark in front of it and my eyes watered with anticipation. I had an army of the coolest friends, a few crushes under my surveillance and a head filled with ambition for a glamorous career. I was going to be the most amazing adult!
So…..things didn’t exactly go as planned. The early years were pretty kind to me. I was young and having a blast doing whatever I wanted. I developed some of my deepest friendships during this time and finally started to approach dating like an adult (sort of). Gone were the days of 450 “friends” and crushes on boys with spikey hair; I was far too busy turning into a woman to mess with that. I was going out, shopping a lot, and “discovering myself”. Maybe my dream of being a hairdresser to the stars didn’t happen. So, maybe I fell into the world of corporate business and never looked back. And maybe yes, I lost myself a lot during this time, but that happens to everyone, right?
I think it was about half way through our time together twenties, where I started the inevitable soul searching and quickly learned that I wasn’t where I ever thought I would be and by 25, I wasn’t even close. There was no denying I was a fortunate woman with a decent job, good friends, and finally living comfortably on my own, yet I was lost. I was fully invested in a relationship with a man who would never love me and working for a company that I can fairly compare to Riker’s Island. How could you do that to me twenties? I thought we were boys!
If I am being honest, part of me feels some resentment that you went by so quickly. I can’t help but think back to all the time that I had and all that I could have accomplished during those years. Why didn’t I land myself a dream job? Why didn’t I settle into life and buy a home? Why didn’t I truck through the mountains of Brazil? Should I be married…….should I have a kid?? There are so many whys and what-ifs; I am sure that I could spend another 10 years just dwelling on it.
My final years with you, dear twenties, has been a rocky one to say the least. While you provided me years of confidence and endurance, you also scarred me. You stained me with a surprising cancer which I was never prepared to take on and used the same disease to strip me of a good friend. You used this last year of my time with you to bitch slap me and I’m not going to lie, that shit hurt. But I forgive you, because you did something else this last year that I wasn’t expecting – you showed me love. You introduced me to love in a way that I never thought I would grasp. The selfless, loyal, uninhibited, perpetual kind of love which I was positive did not exist. The kind of love where when I look at him, I know that this is meant to be and life is working as it should. For that, I am forever grateful.
While I may not have achieved everything that the 18 year old version of me had dreamed up, I have finally realized that I have accomplished so much. I know I don’t have a corner office at InStyle Magazine (yet), I’m not swimming in pools of money, and I sure as hell have a lot more of this world to see. However, there are a few things that I have proudly attained during our time together: I am a good worker with a dedicated spirit, I am a determined learner, I am even more ambitious now than I ever was and refuse to see limits for myself, I am part of the most loving and loyal family, I belong to a group of friends who are a family and feed on laughter, I am a dreamer, with dreams so big that I’ll never stop dreaming them and I am full of goals and aspirations that I will never stop working to achieve.
It sounds so cliché, but I am sure that these past 10 years have showed me the worst of times and the best of times. I laughed my ass off and cried my eyes out and somehow managed to come out sane. With that being said – let’s do this, thirties.Pin It